It was a very startling week and it was only Monday! I had a leak in my roof, leading to water damage in my attic and behind the drywall in my garage. Mold had already started to seep through when I noticed. A call to my contractor led to some unexpected but necessary expenses. Thankfully, it was fairly inexpensive considering what damage costs could have ensued, though it was a big dip in my pocket nonetheless. Gutters were cleaned but further repairs would have to wait. My son’s football fees were next on the list! My dad had recently told me it was time to invest in termite protection beyond his expertise (he laid some termite bait thingys around the property that signal any activity and apparently there was some activity). 

The home ownership responsibilities were rising. When home ownership expenses come calling, I generally say to myself, “You prayed for this house!”  God has always stepped in because any blessings He bestows, He equips me to steward as I submit them to Him. The Bible states that the earth is the Lord’s and all they dwell therein¹. I’m just a steward, so I often look towards Heaven and say, So, what are You gonna do? I need Your help! This week, my stance had to be no different.

One thing I certainly did not count on was receiving some bad news in the mail — a legal matter to be specific the day before. As a result, I didn’t sleep last night. I rarely had sleeping issues. Typically, any stress and drama in my life seemed to have business style hours and didn’t affect my sleep. Unfortunately, this was different and my sleep wasn’t a safe space for rest, recovery and escape from the day’s challenges. I had weird dreams that woke me and kept me up. I woke with anxiety about the next day— that day being today. So, on the way to work, I played worship music as I prayed during my commute. I started to feel a bit better. 

Close to the end of the work day, I noticed this chest tightness building in my upper body. It felt tense. I started to breathe in a laborious fashion. I heard my heartbeat in my ears. There was a restless feeling in my body, all over. I wanted to pace, but I was also fearful of moving. Thank God I had my own office. My eyes teared up and my mind started to race. What am I going to do? What will happen now? I just want peace. I want to be done with this! Oh my God! I had counseled people about this. This experience was very familiar; I was having an anxiety attack. I used to have them long ago (in 2019) after my ex-husband and I separated. I hadn’t had these symptoms in years. What is happening to me? God, I’m scared. I laid my head on my desk trying to steady my breath. No full relief was coming. I left a simple voicemail with my therapist. I prayed. I snuck a quick peek at the clock: 4:15pm. Forty-five more minutes. I have to get outta here! The slower breath turned into short rounds of inhale-exhale at the rhythm of a rapid 8-count.

Once 5PM hit, I was in the parking lot. I took a major exhale as I pulled off. I already felt lighter. My worship music was blasting. I began to pray, asking God all the questions I couldn’t when I was on the clock. I listed my fears. I said all the things². I think one of the major reasons my anxiety rose to such heights while at work is because I felt stuck and that I couldn’t escape. Once my litany of grievances and concerns were released to God, the tightness started to dissipate to the backdrop of worshipful sounds and lyrics based on God’s Holy Scripture.

This continued into the next day. When I was doing a number of administrative tasks on Tuesday, I popped my earbuds in and played my worship music. I got home and continued singing songs right into the shower. No major changes had occurred with my situation, but I had made a shift. I just made a decision to put my thoughts on God. Glorifying Him and lifting Him above my problems refreshes my spirit and reframes my perspective. 

Worship was not an unfamiliar stance of King David. His life unveils a lifestyle of worship for every occasion: when fearing his enemies and the going through the storms of life³, accepting God’s Will even when it is not the initial desire⁴, and praising God for rescue and salvation⁵. Although the exact psalmist of 121 is anonymous, it reveals great truth about the Lord’s vigilance for His people.

Psalm 121 (NIV) states: “I lift up my eyes to the mountains—-where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth. He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord watches over you—the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night. The Lord will keep you from all harm—-he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”

This psalm is one in the bundle of the Song of Ascents, a psalm to be memorized and recited on the pilgrimage to Jerusalem that Jewish people would take. The Bible Hub website goes on to state one of the practical applications of this Psalm is to “rest in God’s Vigilance.” I love that because God promises several things: to be His people’s help, to protect, watch and guard His people keeping them from all harm. The Lord in this text is YHWH⁶, which means “the self-Existent or Eternal Jehovah”⁷. YHWH is also the covenant name that God identified Himself as to Moses in Exodus.⁸ When we examine Exodus 3:14-15 (NKJV), God declares He is: “I AM THAT I AM… I AM.”

I can rest because God is sovereign and in full control. He has never, nor will He ever fail me. I take comfort even when I don’t have all the answers or know the specifics of what’s to come. He IS whatever I need for whatever I face. I AM keeps, sustains, fights for, protects, and shields me. Whatever comes, the end result is God’s victory because He’s made promises to keep and sustain me. Our God has the world in His All-Sufficient Hands. So I will rest in that. I encourage you to do the same.

Reflective moment: Have you felt between a rock and a hard place? Have you struggled to put into words what you’re going through? Perhaps, your physical body is housing your angst and frustrations. I encourage you to take at least 10-15 mins of your day for the next 7 days to spend in worship of God. Take an intentional moment to put your mind on the Goodness of God. Sing. Listen to worship and praise music. Pray aloud, extolling God and naming His Character and how He’s showing up for you in the midst of the unanswered questions. Put your faith into action. Praise Him for the breakthrough you believe is coming. During the 7 days, write down reflections of what God reveals; this can serve as a future reminder of God’s Faithfulness to you.

Footnotes: ¹ Psalm 24:1. See also Psalm 89:11 & Deuteronomy 10:14. ² A classic millennial colloquialism, for those who may be unfamiliar. “It is an enthusiastic, hyperbolic way to refer to a massive, overwhelming, or exciting list of tasks, items, or experiences. It functions as a playful shorthand for “an exhaustive list of multiple things.” ³ Psalms 25-29 ⁴ 2 Samuel 12:15-23; 1 Chronicles chapters 28-29 ⁵ 1 Chronicles 29:10-20, Psalm 30 ⁶ YHWH, transliteration of “Yhvh: LORD, GOD, LORD’S,” — Lexical Summary (The Bible Hub website) ⁷ Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance (The Bible Hub website). ⁸ Commentary on Psalm 121, Bible Hub Website

Additional Resources: *If you experience mood shifts or changes like anxiety or depression that disrupt your ability to cope and function, I encourage you to seek out a qualified therapist for further evaluation. You are not alone and there are mental health techniques, when paired with your faith in Jesus, that can help improve your quality of life.  *If you’re ever in a mental health crisis call 988 or 911 for medical emergencies